Self Care: Coffee

The little things seem to make the most difference when it comes to self care.  One of my best weapons in the fight for well being is coffee.  I've been drinking coffee (or coffee-esque substances) since I was 10 years old.  Not on a daily basis of course, but it happened. 

I first discovered that this beverage held calming properties for me when I was in college.  It was a small town and people thought that cappuccinos came from gas stations (AHHHHH!).  There were two places to get a real coffee.  One was the Hastings bookstore and the other was a health food store.  Often I would find myself wandering over to those places to be by myself and get balanced.  In college I lived in a 4 bedroom house with 5 other girls.  Most of the time it was great...but sometimes I got really stressed out and would go get a mocha. 

After I graduated I had to substitute teach for a semester (I was back in the city).  Because of the hit-or-miss nature of the job, I often had a lot of down time.  During this time I was feeling fairly depressed.  I spent most of my time in coffeehouses around the city.  I had one that was close, one that was in the cool part of town, and one that was run by a Christian church.  If I was feeling particularly bad, I'd go grab a mocha and head to the local park with my journal and heavy black pen.  I'd feel better...not all the way better, but again, balanced. 

Time moved on.  I got a job, quit a job, met a man, married a man, and had two sons.  After my 2nd son came along, coffee was a daily occurrence for me.  For financial reasons, I'd switched to brewed coffee instead of espresso drinks...but I was still enjoying my coffee.  It began to be my morning stabilizer.  If I didn't get it, I would get cranky.  The funny thing is, I'm pretty sure it wasn't the caffeine buzz that I craved...something else. 

I began to realize that, for whatever reason, coffee soothed me.  It slowed down my racing mind and relaxed my rigid shoulders.  If I was feeling keyed up or irritable, coffee helped.  A quick Google search showed that coffee has an effect on dopamine levels in your brain.  Let's hear it for my friend dopamine!!!...which if you'll remember can be found in chamomile tea too (and cocaine...but I'm not that kind of girl)

Then last December I came across the information that linked panic attacks to caffeine consumption.  I was bummed!  Bummed...but grasping ever so tightly to my coffee.  I weaned down from full-caf. to half-caf, to decaf.  Truly, decaf isn't the same...especially since I can't have dairy or sugar to doctor it up.  I don't have it every day anymore, but when I need it most, it does the job.

My latest example of coffee's placating effect on me is from this very morning.  It's been raining for over a week (off and on).  There has been a DISTINCT lack of sunshine and I am feeling terrible.  Lack of sun combined with a fussy, potty training toddler and a VERY packed schedule today made me VERY irritable.  I was grouching at the kids, raising my voice, and choosing unkind words.  I knew what I had to do.  Even though our morning was insanely scheduled, I sacrificed 5 minutes to stop and grab a coffee.  Totally worth it!   I relaxed, used nicer words, and wasn't all agitated as I ran errands in a rainstorm.  Again, coffee doesn't cure me...it just calms me. 

Drinking coffee is one of the quickest ways for me to get a little dose of tranquility. Coffee...it's self care.