Bleeding Heart Moderate

I knew as a young woman that my politics were vastly different from those of my parents. Dinner time would wind up turning into a heated debate between my father and my eleven year old self. The argument would often end with my dad admonishing "You're just a bleeding heart liberal!"

NOTE: Lest you think my father was an immature bully, in his defense, I have always been a very cerebral person, capable of meaningful conversation about a great many topics, even as a child. 

Even in my youth, I was aware that being termed a "bleeding heart" anything was not meant as a compliment. The term was a way of communicating to me that I was being led to make decisions based on my emotions. Political discourse was, instead, supposed to be logical and sober. I, however, did not waver in my belief that humans had an obligation to take care of other humans. If it took government intervention to get people the help they needed...well, so be it.

I held fast to these tenets UNTIL...

When I was a sophomore in high school, I became a Christian. This life choice was made outside the confines of a church environment but as a eased into evangelical life, I came to understand that I hadn't only accepted Jesus, I'd adopted a whole new worldview. In my naivete, I spent my late teens and early twenties striving to be a "good" Christian. My endeavor for church perfection meant that I professed to tow all of the party lines...conservative, pro-life, anti-gay rights, pro-traditional family values, anti-welfare, pro-abstinence, anti-democrat, etc. Of course my inborn inclination railed against these precepts but I internalized the struggle.

Instead of questioning whether or not a believer was required to espouse these social teachings, I assumed there was something wrong with me...that my mind was overtaken by wrong thinking. After all, like politics, faith needed to be logical and non-emotional. I was just too emotional.

In my late twenties and early thirties, as I grew in my knowledge of God, my heart was stirred to pick up and move from suburban Kansas City to the urban center of the the city. When it became evident that my husband and I were really going to be city dwellers, my heart felt a thrill of  joy at the prospect of living among people who were black, gay, atheist, post-modern. I was honestly and truly stoked to jump into the work that was already happening for the glory of God and the good of the city.

We moved seven and a half years ago. It's been a very educational and humbling experience. I am certain that God is at work in me through the relationships I've formed in this place and through the things I've learned about history and humanity through the lens of my diverse neighbors and friends. The themes of these lessons have been this: life and faith and people and sociopolitical issues are much more complex than the conservative/liberal, Republican/Democrat dichotomy of American politics. People are complicated. Situations are nuanced. There are a great many ways to flesh out the Christian faith that are holy and right and good. There is room for emotion in the life of a believer. There is a place in the Body of Christ for a Bleeding Heart Moderate.

That brings us to this day.

Today America inaugurated a president that I am vehemently opposed to. Donald Trump actually triggers a negative physical response in my heart and gut. He stands against a great many deep, God given, convictions that I hold. I don't just disagree with his politics, I legitimately fear that the policies which he promotes will be harmful to people that I have, in the spirit of Christian Love, linked arms with as friends and neighbors. To support Donald Trump would be at direct odds with the commandment to love my neighbor. To show kindness to his supporters means I am faced with the equally weighty commandment to love my enemy.

On this weird, misty, gray January day, I am steeped in an ironic contradiction...in this matter, my enemy is very likely to be singing hymns right next to me on Sunday morning.  That isn't the way I learned that doctrine. People who are opposed to my beliefs come from OUTSIDE the church, right? In God's family we're all on the same team, right?

Frankly, that has been the most challenging thing about this whole Donald Trump business. If I wasn't a member of the evangelical Christian faith community, there would be ZERO doubt in my mind how I should behave regarding the new president and his agenda. But as it stands, my relationship with God puts me in the position to make peace with my Christian brothers and sisters.

I am going to be honest. It is going to take a miraculous work of Jesus for me to choose an emotion other than disgust when other Followers of Christ  joyfully lend support to policies that I believe are unjust. And while the security of my soul does not rest on the United State government, the health of my soul rests on being obedient to the Word of God which says, love your neighbor and love your enemy and love one another as I have loved you. I'm just unsure of what that looks like on a day like today.