Progress Not Perfection

This is kind of my new life mantra...not just regarding sugar. 

I have ALWAYS struggled against perfectionism.  Even when I was a teenager I had issues with condemning myself for failing to meet whatever standard I set for myself.  In high school I competed in Forensics.  Though I medaled almost every time, I still felt like I didn't perform as well as I could have.  My junior year of high school I took my ACT test and received a 28.  It's above average, but not as high as I KNEW I could reach.  I tested again and actually got a LOWER score...that killed me.

This foible followed me into college where I spent the majority of my life in a deep, nasty depression.  I was ultra competitive in my major, which was elementary education.  Imagine how twisted your perfectionism has to be when you get upset that your bulletin board was not as awesome as the person before you (at least to me...I think I still got an A).

In adulthood perfectionism has flavored my friendships, dating relationships, career, parenting, housekeeping, marriage, and most vitally, my relationship with God. The thing with perfectionism is that it doesn't drive me to try harder.  Every time I am faced with "failure", I just get depressed and stop trying.  Then I feel worse because now I am a failure AND a quitter.  It's a gross cycle.

As I mentioned in a earlier post, 2012 was a very trying year.  I was knocked on my ass and my perfectionism was shattered into a billion tiny little pieces that I can never hope to recover.  That fact had me in the worst mental state I have been in as an adult.  It's been rough.  But as I process through the pain and feelings of utter failure I have discovered something that (it seems) most everyone else knows.  I will NEVER be perfect...not until I am glorified with God at the end of my life at least. 

I struggle with grace.  Sometimes, though, you find yourself in a place where if you don't accept your grace and mercy, it's going to make you give up in profound and devastating ways.  I have a faith in Jesus Christ.  I didn't pick Him...He picked me.  Not because I am awesome or flawless or perfect, but likely because I am NOT any of those things and He just loves me because He does.

This truth has been liberally applied to my life in the last few months.  I am always going to struggle, I imagine...thus the mantra "progress not perfection".   It helps me remember that I am in process..I am on a journey and as long as I am heading in the right direction, it's going to be OK.

This week I "failed" many times at avoiding sugar.  But, instead of beating myself up and getting discouraged, I just remembered that even the small sugar mud puddles that I found myself splashing through were NOTHING compared to the deep sugar pits I have eaten through.  For instance, I had ice cream with my friend yesterday...but I got the smallest one.  Today I ate my mother in laws AMAZING pecan pie...but I took a thumb sized slice instead a palm sized slice.  Though I "failed" to abstain entirely, I was making a conscious choice to do better. 

I don't feel depressed about falling short. I am not planning on throwing in the towel and quitting.  Instead, I am going to plug away, taking each battle as it comes.  Some days I will be victorious and feel amazed at my own self control.  Other days aren't going to be so glorious...but they are going to be better. 

Progress Not Perfection