No Day Like Today

On the journey of cutting out sugar (and battling depression), I am discovering this: I can only deal with today.   There is a reason why "one day at a time" is a pervasive theme in 12 Step Programs.  It is rooted in Truth.  The Word of God tells us not to be concerned with tomorrow...but take care of today...tomorrow will worry about itself (Matt 6:34).  I heard a saying this winter..."depression is living in the past and anxiety is living in the future". For my set of life circumstances, that is 1000% accurate.

I am BAD at today.  Planning is a GOOD thing that, when done properly, saves time and energy and money.  I OBSESSIVELY plan.  I enjoy lists...not just Today's To Do list...but year long To Do lists.  I like to have a plan...a 5 year plan  I am driven to anxiously worry about tomorrow under the guise of having a "plan". 

I find myself losing sight of Today in two ways.  First, I get so wrapped up in planning for Tomorrow that I just let Today zoom by as I check of my list of tasks...only to make a new one.  The moments are cataloged and categorized and not really lived.  If the list doesn't get accomplished, I slip into disappointment with myself and subsequently depression.

Secondly, ask me how much of my 5 year plans ACTUALLY get accomplished.  Yeah, about 25%...MAYBE.  It's not that I am not a driven woman or that I lack ambition to "go for my dreams".  It's just not the path that God has led me down.  The path I am on wasn't what I planned.  Is it good?  YES!  Just...not what I planned. 

As a young adult, I had a dream for my life that, as it turns out, did not really fit with my personality, my preferences, or my abilities.  Instead of recognizing that I needed to tweak the plan to suit ME, I just kept beating myself up for not living up to some self imposed, ill-fitting standard of who I was supposed to be.

So as I take this year to "get better", I have to discipline my mind to stop obsessing about what I did Yesterday.  When I start to mentally berate myself for eating a bowl of Lucky Charms last night, I have to literally STOP the thought.  Once it's stopped I can evaluate WHY I made that choice Yesterday and be aware of that stumbling block Today. 

When I find myself obsessively trying to plan out how I can manage Easter dinner (which is TWO months away) without overloading on carbs and sugar, I have to STOP the thought.  Once it is stopped I can remind myself that Easter is a LONG way away and what I really need to do is choose what I am going to eat for lunch Today.