Facing Mad-ness: Perfectionism

In general, I don't believe in coincidence.  Too many things in my life have lined up perfectly and in unbelievable ways to ever think that life is just full of happy accidents.  So, I assume it wasn't a mere fluke when I caught a snippet of something on the TV or radio (I honestly don't remember which it was) that mentioned the correlation between perfectionism and depression.  Huh.  I began to wonder if there was a correlation between perfectionism and anger.  Doing what I always do, I of course Googled it.  Funny story...perfectionism is TREMENDOUSLY linked to anger (and depression and anxiety).   Here is a VERY accurate article about what it looks like to be a Christian perfectionist...there is a whole section devoted to anger...including anger toward God.

My name is Tiffany.  I am a perfectionist... and I AM ANGRY!...at myself...and a little bit at God...and a little bit at my children...and a little bit at my husband...and a little bit at anyone who has had the opportunity to see me be imperfect. 

It's not news to me that I am a perfectionist (click here for my post on perfectionism). What is news to me is how pervasive this trait has become in my life.  I am sad, stressed, and now I am SICK...all because I am not the person I wish I was...a person who is not possible. 

While there are lots of reasons why people become perfectionists (those reasons are for me and my therapist to work through)...now is the time to remedy it.  God has made me keenly aware of this issue and I would be foolish to continue living this way.  The best remedy for me has been changing the soundtrack in my mind.

I do have some mantras, but I really need to dig in and make time to choose new messages for my mind to mull over.  Because a lot of my self deprecation is related to my performance for God, I plan to search through the Bible and decide on a few encouraging verses to replace the mean voices in my brain. On my honor, I will only choose 1 or 2 verses to begin with.  One HUGE issue with perfectionism is setting goals and standards ludicrously high...unattainably high.  So, to combat that...I'm starting small...and staying small.  We'll see how it goes.  If it helps, I may add more...I may not. 

All of the articles I read on the topic made it very, very clear that healing from perfectionism is a LONG process.  I can't keep living this way...I'm ready to learn to accept my imperfect humanity.