It's been 8 days since I got serious about my diet. I've been (nearly) grain free, dairy free, sugar free and caffeine free. I am proud of that. The first few days were TORTURE! Then, it began to get easier.
I can attribute much of my success to accountability. My friend has been tough on me. I need that. She's not berating me or being unkind, she's just making sure I am staying on track. There have been a few hiccups in following the plan and she has helped me navigate them in a way that honors both my desire follow my diet and allows for imperfection. (My 5 year old son has also been good about keeping me honest.)
Depression-wise there is some difference. I was triggered by an event last week. Usually, I would be obsessing and berating myself endlessly for days. This time that aspect of my depression only lasted a few hours at a time (it still went on for a few days, but wasn't constant and pervasive). That's progress.
I am still frequently struggling with irritability and anger. More than anything I can assume that has to do with the snowstorm last weekend trapping us in the house. I've also not worked for two weeks because of Spring Break. Sometimes circumstances just stack against us, despite our best efforts. The little slips of irritability and anger aren't lasting as long as they have in the past either. That's progress.
Weight loss-wise I have lost 1 pound. I was pretty disappointed by that number. But, 1 is better than none. I haven't been limiting my calories. Knowing myself, I thought it best to get used to not eating grains/dairy/sugar before getting really restrictive with a calorie count. On April 1st I will begin to count calories. I've joined a DietBet. We've challenged ourselves to lose 4% of our body weight by the end of April. The pot is over $100! Hopefully that will be the push I need to not only follow my diet, but reign it in with a specific calorie amount.
So, that's where I am...slowly making progress.
Life Less Sweet: Documentation of my struggle with depression and anxiety.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Easter Feaster
Contrary to recent weather, Spring is upon us! With Spring comes Easter. For our family it is a spiritually meaningful holiday. The church we attend is very intentional about creating an attitude of mourning and weightiness on Good Friday. Remembering Jesus's sacrifice makes us remember why He had to die. He died because I can't be perfect, even if I try, and that offends the heart of God. He put Himself in my place, as a substitute for God's wrath. Reflecting on that can be kind of intense.
On Easter, however, we stop mourning and start rejoicing! God has created a sacrifice so perfect that it has defeated sin and death. Because of it we can know God and we can be adopted as His sons and daughters.
In the spirit of rejoicing, I want to talk about my diet. On Easter, I do not intend to follow the guidelines of my restrictive diet. I truly believe there are times when feasting is appropriate and necessary. Easter is one of those times for me.
My family is a little non-traditional with regard to menu. In the past I have, in jest, called Easter "Carb Fest". We don't have the American standard ham and scalloped potatoes. Instead we celebrate Easter with the food of our ancestors. Yes, we eat SCHNITZEL!
At the Easter table there will be jagerschnitzel, spaetzle (a tiny dumpling, kind of gnocchi-ish), German potato salad, and brochen (a hard roll). Additionally, I will be making a dark chocolate, coconut cheesecake. See...Carb Fest! It will be delicious and I will enjoy it without guilt because, sometimes, we need to feast.
On Easter, however, we stop mourning and start rejoicing! God has created a sacrifice so perfect that it has defeated sin and death. Because of it we can know God and we can be adopted as His sons and daughters.
In the spirit of rejoicing, I want to talk about my diet. On Easter, I do not intend to follow the guidelines of my restrictive diet. I truly believe there are times when feasting is appropriate and necessary. Easter is one of those times for me.
My family is a little non-traditional with regard to menu. In the past I have, in jest, called Easter "Carb Fest". We don't have the American standard ham and scalloped potatoes. Instead we celebrate Easter with the food of our ancestors. Yes, we eat SCHNITZEL!
At the Easter table there will be jagerschnitzel, spaetzle (a tiny dumpling, kind of gnocchi-ish), German potato salad, and brochen (a hard roll). Additionally, I will be making a dark chocolate, coconut cheesecake. See...Carb Fest! It will be delicious and I will enjoy it without guilt because, sometimes, we need to feast.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Oh, Snow!
I am on day 5 of no sugar-no grain-no dairy. Yesterday I felt great! Today I woke up with a gnawing hunger and sadly, protein just sounded DREADFUL. I didn't want eggs or a smoothie...I wanted pancakes or French Toast or some other carb-tastic delight. In the spirit of staying on track, I dutifully made myself some eggs.
To add to the challenge, there is 6-8 inches of new snow on the ground this morning. This means my family and I will be home all day with nothing to do but watch movies and eat. I want hot cocoa and cookies. I want to make (and eat) snow ice cream with my boys. Instead I will be comforted by a protein smoothie...mmmmm protein. As for a warm, comforting dinner, after I finish this post, I am going to search the interwebs for Thai coconut curry soup recipes. Curry is like a hug for my soul.
To add to the challenge, there is 6-8 inches of new snow on the ground this morning. This means my family and I will be home all day with nothing to do but watch movies and eat. I want hot cocoa and cookies. I want to make (and eat) snow ice cream with my boys. Instead I will be comforted by a protein smoothie...mmmmm protein. As for a warm, comforting dinner, after I finish this post, I am going to search the interwebs for Thai coconut curry soup recipes. Curry is like a hug for my soul.
Friday, March 22, 2013
Nerd Alert: Serotonin
If you know me personally, you are aware that I completely geek out about biology. The human body is FASCINATING to me!! When I was trying to get pregnant I gained a ludicrous amount of knowledge about fertility. During pregnancy, I studied up on every biological facet of gestation, birth, and lactation. (But, trust me when I say that, sometimes, ignorance is bliss.)
Biology is fun for me! So when I got my hands on The Mood Cure (I promise I am not selling this book), I was totally taken in by the user friendly information about human biochemistry. There is a ton of information about hormones, neurotransmitters, and amino acids and how they function within the body to keep it healthy AND happy. What made this knowledge more interesting was that the author of the book tied most of the information to diet. For MY brain issue, this was particularly pertinent.
There is a neurotransmitter called serotonin that is thought to be responsible for mood regulation. I have a serotonin deficiency, which is a biochemical cause for depression. Some studies suggest that 80-90% of serotonin lives in the GI tract. This happy neurotransmitter doesn't live in your brain...it lives in your GUTS my friends! It, therefore, makes sense that a change in diet would mean a change in mental health.
There are a TON of factors in our diets that can possibly influence our serotonin production...I'll get to those a different day. Until that day comes, here are some links so YOU too can geek out about the biochemistry of serotonin!
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=gut-second-brain
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3272651/
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/06/120612115812.htm
Biology is fun for me! So when I got my hands on The Mood Cure (I promise I am not selling this book), I was totally taken in by the user friendly information about human biochemistry. There is a ton of information about hormones, neurotransmitters, and amino acids and how they function within the body to keep it healthy AND happy. What made this knowledge more interesting was that the author of the book tied most of the information to diet. For MY brain issue, this was particularly pertinent.
There is a neurotransmitter called serotonin that is thought to be responsible for mood regulation. I have a serotonin deficiency, which is a biochemical cause for depression. Some studies suggest that 80-90% of serotonin lives in the GI tract. This happy neurotransmitter doesn't live in your brain...it lives in your GUTS my friends! It, therefore, makes sense that a change in diet would mean a change in mental health.
There are a TON of factors in our diets that can possibly influence our serotonin production...I'll get to those a different day. Until that day comes, here are some links so YOU too can geek out about the biochemistry of serotonin!
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=gut-second-brain
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3272651/
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/06/120612115812.htm
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Battlefield
I am SOOOOO hungry. There are still 30 minutes until dinner time...I CAN make it. I don't wanna make it...but I WILL. My diet has provided an appropriate amount of calories today...so my body is not really in need of anything. However, grains and dairy were not on the menu today and my stomach is throwing a pouty little fit.
Earlier this year, I cut back on sugar and eliminated caffeine without any "pain". Grain and dairy are my favorite favorite food groups though. Being "full" from protein and vegetables isn't as emotionally satisfying for me.
I am in agony! Please believe me when I say that this feels like withdrawal. I am jittery and on edge. To make it through I am trying to stay distracted. I also brewed some chamomile tea (yay for dopamine). More than anything, I am just getting though by sheer force.
NOTE: it's been 30 minutes since I began writing this post...II made it through! Now I'm gonna go eat dinner!
Earlier this year, I cut back on sugar and eliminated caffeine without any "pain". Grain and dairy are my favorite favorite food groups though. Being "full" from protein and vegetables isn't as emotionally satisfying for me.
I am in agony! Please believe me when I say that this feels like withdrawal. I am jittery and on edge. To make it through I am trying to stay distracted. I also brewed some chamomile tea (yay for dopamine). More than anything, I am just getting though by sheer force.
NOTE: it's been 30 minutes since I began writing this post...II made it through! Now I'm gonna go eat dinner!
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Help
Slacking on a diet is an easy thing to do. (Especially if it's not New Year anymore!)
It would be delightful if I could eat whatever I wanted...but my biology won't have it. I am also fairly sure that my antidepressant is either causing me to gain weight or making it harder to lose weight. At this time, I am not willing to go off of my medicine again. Therefore, I just have to be very careful about what I eat...and once again I have to stare into the face of a very restrictive diet.
The Mood Cure Diet (and really MOST whole food diets) recommends a diet rich in protein, healthy fats, vegetables, and water. During the beginning, they advise you to restrict dairy and grains to test for food intolerance. You can add them back in slowly and watch for adverse reactions. Caffeine, sugar/sugar substitutes, and alcohol are prohibited; high carb vegetables, fruit, and grains are limited. It's kind of Paleo/South Beach/Candida diet-y.
In the three months that I have been attempting to follow this diet, I've discovered that it's hard! Cheats start small and then suddenly, there I am eating and drinking whatever I want and feeling fatigued and heavier than ever. To combat my backsliding ways, I have enlisted the help of a friend to keep me accountable. I've asked her to be strict about checking in with me. I truly hope she will help keep me in line.
Again, I want to reiterate that following this diet is PRIMARILY geared toward improving my mental health. The weight is a symptom of my body chemistry being unbalanced. I want to FEEL better. If it takes a "village" to help me, so be it!
NOTE: I stayed sugar free yesterday. Today I not only stayed sugar free, but I followed the guidelines for protein, carb, and water intake. That felt great!
It would be delightful if I could eat whatever I wanted...but my biology won't have it. I am also fairly sure that my antidepressant is either causing me to gain weight or making it harder to lose weight. At this time, I am not willing to go off of my medicine again. Therefore, I just have to be very careful about what I eat...and once again I have to stare into the face of a very restrictive diet.
The Mood Cure Diet (and really MOST whole food diets) recommends a diet rich in protein, healthy fats, vegetables, and water. During the beginning, they advise you to restrict dairy and grains to test for food intolerance. You can add them back in slowly and watch for adverse reactions. Caffeine, sugar/sugar substitutes, and alcohol are prohibited; high carb vegetables, fruit, and grains are limited. It's kind of Paleo/South Beach/Candida diet-y.
In the three months that I have been attempting to follow this diet, I've discovered that it's hard! Cheats start small and then suddenly, there I am eating and drinking whatever I want and feeling fatigued and heavier than ever. To combat my backsliding ways, I have enlisted the help of a friend to keep me accountable. I've asked her to be strict about checking in with me. I truly hope she will help keep me in line.
Again, I want to reiterate that following this diet is PRIMARILY geared toward improving my mental health. The weight is a symptom of my body chemistry being unbalanced. I want to FEEL better. If it takes a "village" to help me, so be it!
NOTE: I stayed sugar free yesterday. Today I not only stayed sugar free, but I followed the guidelines for protein, carb, and water intake. That felt great!
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Broken
Sometimes things don't turn out the way we thought they would...boyfriends break up with you...jobs end...weekend DIY projects turn into phenomenally expensive professional ventures...everyone has examples of things that didn't go they way they were supposed to. Most of the time, however, things end up being just fine. Occasionally they end up better than before.
I've alluded to the fact that my life did not turn out the way I planned it. I was going to change the world and make it a better place! I was going to be an important contribution! While that may sound like the naive dreams of a young woman, I was honestly set up to do that. My education, my extracurricular activities, my leadership opportunities, my drive, and my passion were all geared toward that end. The "life verse" that was bestowed upon me by my father was "to whom much is given, much is required" (Luke 12:48b)
So I set out as a young adult with that life purpose in mind. But, at every turn, I had the rug pulled out from under me. I took a job at an inner city middle school...I lasted three years before I had to throw in the towel and admit defeat. I had babies...I was literally faced with failure from the first hour. We moved to the heart of the city...but now I had two little children and no time or energy to give back to my city. We took foster children for 8 months...but it was so gut wrenchingly difficult that we decided to never, ever do it again. It seems like every time I go out to prove to the world that I can take on a challenge, I fall embarrassingly short.
There is a concept in Christianity called "brokenness". I've always understood it as an antithesis of self centeredness. If my heart is "broken", I will not quarrel with God or be worried when faced with the peril of a challenging situation. If my heart is "broken" I will not hesitate to sacrifice my body and desires so that I can do hard things for others on God's behalf. But, in the last year, I've come to a new understanding of "brokenness".
Maybe, for me, it's accepting that the life I have been given is smaller than I thought it would be. I thought I would be an important player in the betterment of the world. Really, I just have this husband, these sons, and this house entrusted to me. This is my world and I DO have influence here.
Being broken might mean having the humility to say "this is too hard, I can't do it." Accepting my limitations IS dying to my selfishness. I want to do hard things, I want YOU to KNOW I can do hard things, but I am truly incapable of taking some types of challenges.
Being broken might mean making decisions based on what is best for me and my family...whether or not it fits into YOUR idea of what is best...and asking you to love me anyway.
Being broken might be admitting that what I have to give to God (and others) is upsettingly less than I thought it was...but trusting that He loves me and always will.
I've alluded to the fact that my life did not turn out the way I planned it. I was going to change the world and make it a better place! I was going to be an important contribution! While that may sound like the naive dreams of a young woman, I was honestly set up to do that. My education, my extracurricular activities, my leadership opportunities, my drive, and my passion were all geared toward that end. The "life verse" that was bestowed upon me by my father was "to whom much is given, much is required" (Luke 12:48b)
So I set out as a young adult with that life purpose in mind. But, at every turn, I had the rug pulled out from under me. I took a job at an inner city middle school...I lasted three years before I had to throw in the towel and admit defeat. I had babies...I was literally faced with failure from the first hour. We moved to the heart of the city...but now I had two little children and no time or energy to give back to my city. We took foster children for 8 months...but it was so gut wrenchingly difficult that we decided to never, ever do it again. It seems like every time I go out to prove to the world that I can take on a challenge, I fall embarrassingly short.
There is a concept in Christianity called "brokenness". I've always understood it as an antithesis of self centeredness. If my heart is "broken", I will not quarrel with God or be worried when faced with the peril of a challenging situation. If my heart is "broken" I will not hesitate to sacrifice my body and desires so that I can do hard things for others on God's behalf. But, in the last year, I've come to a new understanding of "brokenness".
Maybe, for me, it's accepting that the life I have been given is smaller than I thought it would be. I thought I would be an important player in the betterment of the world. Really, I just have this husband, these sons, and this house entrusted to me. This is my world and I DO have influence here.
Being broken might mean having the humility to say "this is too hard, I can't do it." Accepting my limitations IS dying to my selfishness. I want to do hard things, I want YOU to KNOW I can do hard things, but I am truly incapable of taking some types of challenges.
Being broken might mean making decisions based on what is best for me and my family...whether or not it fits into YOUR idea of what is best...and asking you to love me anyway.
Being broken might be admitting that what I have to give to God (and others) is upsettingly less than I thought it was...but trusting that He loves me and always will.
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