Self Care: Getting Out

Extrovert

Definition: Most people believe that an extrovert is a person who is friendly and outgoing. While that may be true, that is not the true meaning of extroversion. Basically, an extrovert is a person who is energized by being around other people. This is the opposite of an introvert who is energized by being alone.

 

I've known that I was an extrovert since my first days in school.  My personality is gregarious and social.  I have an innate aptitude for making people feel valued and for making connections with others.  It's how I was created and I celebrate that!  That being said, becoming a stay at home mom has seriously limited opportunities for expressing my extroversion.   

 

Early in my journey of motherhood, I discovered that I would have to be WAY more intentional about getting around people.  There was a compelling force in my heart.  It insisted that I needed to be OUT of my house.  My infant would get buckled into his little car seat and we would get out...almost every day.  The interesting thing about being an actual extrovert is that I can get energy from the most superficial of connections (if I need to).  While having meaningful connections fills me up more deeply, simply chatting with a strange new mommy at the park would help.  Truthfully, I could even get my people needs met by having a brief interaction with the grocery check out lady!

 

Here are some outlets I have found for my extroversion:

• MOPS...Mothers Of PreSchoolers.  I went to my first MOPS when my first baby was 7 weeks old.  There was a two year hiatus after we moved, but I joined again this year and have LOVED it.
• Girls Night Out...The moms in my neighborhood have a standing date twice a month for Happy Hour.  It's wonderful!  We've been meeting for two years!
• Playdates/Community play groups
• Porch parties
• Classes/book studies/women's church activities
• Working part time
•  Giving myself permission to linger after church just to talk with people

It's easy to feel guilty to leaving my children.  I've had to just get over that.  It's my role to set an emotional tone for my home.  Finding healthy and appropriate ways to nourish my heart is not selfish...it's self care.

 

 



Exceeds Expectations

The Foster Forum was last night.  I had mentally prepared to be triggered by talking about fostering.  While today my emotions feel a little bit tender, I'm probably not going to become depressed. 

It's easier for me to focus on failure than to sift through the pain and find the good things that came out of the experience of fostering.  Our foster care deacon is sensitive to that.  The tone of the evening was one of affirmation and support.  She spent a good amount of time reminding all of us that we had done and are doing good work for the children in our city.  Last night was a good reminder that there is a time to dig in and take challenges AND a time to exhale and reflect on the profits of our labor. 

We still don't plan to take foster children again.  BUT, I attended a meeting about the topic without getting triggered.  That's progress...the beginning of healing.  It will be interesting to see how God can use that season of our life for the welfare of others. 

NOTE:  Thank you to anyone who prayed for me.  I needed it and benefited from it! 

Self Care: Rocking Out

One of the tools that my therapist has given me is the concept of "self care".  Self care is making sure that YOU have some of your needs met so that you have more margin to care for others.  The most common parallel example given is that of the oxygen masks on an airplane.  If the cabin loses pressure, masks drop down from the ceiling.  Adults are always advised to place their masks on FIRST before helping the children.  It may seem counter intuitive for a mother to seemingly neglect her poor child...but the flight attendants explain that if the mother is not able to breathe, she won't be able to help anyone.  Taking care of one's self so that they can take care of others. Self care.

I struggle with self care...as do many mothers.  Putting my needs first can seem selfish and often like a waste of valuable time.  It isn't.   In fact, it's vital that mothers practice self care. 

Some readers will already have ten ideas for self care coursing through their brain right about now.  I don't.  Relaxing has never been a strong suit for me.  Achieve, produce, make interpersonal connections.  That's what I know and where I am often most comfortable.  Since being "strongly encouraged" to practice self care, I've had to figure out what it is that fills up my energy, love, and peace reserves. 

I will likely do some short series on the different things I do to take care of myself. Tonight I am focusing on what I am doing right now...not writing (although, that is one).  After dinner tonight we rearranged my toddler's room.  We ended up bringing the rocking recliner from his room down into the living room. 

Right now I am rocking peacefully in 'ma chair.  I'm loving it.  For you, this might be a ridiculous example of self care.  But, I found a spot in my home that is specifically designed for soothing.  (It works for babies, right?!)  I'm not sure I am capable of being uptight while rocking in a rocking chair.   Peace.

Self care is about finding how you can get some "oxygen".  This rocking chair is working tonight...I'm goin' with it!

Love

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

~ 1Corinthians 13:13

I've been feeling really, really good for about a week.  A combination of several things has created a positive environment for a healthy outlook.  One component is some encouragement that I received from a podcast sermon by Tim Keller.  It was about being a Christian and feeling bad.  His point was, basically...that's just life here on Earth.  It does not do us any good to be sad because we are sad....or depressed because we are depressed.  That resonated with me.  I always feel EXTRA bad because I shouldn't feel bad and it just increases the intensity of my depression.

Part of the surge of happiness is sweet, sweet sunshine! Serotonin and sunshine are a winning mental health combination!

Another factor is finding a direction to walk toward with regard to my health and diet.  That's created a new sense of hope that I might, one day, feel better.  Hope is a powerful antidepressant! I've also been regularly working and getting a lot of social interaction. 

Since I am feeling better, I am once again getting to enjoy all of my relationships.  I am truly and immensely blessed by the sheer amount of people in my life who love me.  I have supportive and caring parents.  My sister and I enjoy a deeply caring (and fun) relationship.  I find myself surrounded by a long suffering and sweet husband, kids who think I am the best mom in the world (most days), best friends, new friends, Facebook friends, church friends, and neighborhood friends.

Please don't think I'm bragging about my impressive list of social connections.  I, myself, am often astounded that God has placed so many amazing people in my life.  They are being highlighted and celebrated today because I know for absolute sure that God uses the faces, shoulders, and voices of the people in my life to remind me that He loves me.

When I think that there is no joy in life, my sister tells me a story, and in minutes I am laughing so hard I'm crying.  When I think that I am worthless and unlovable, my toddler enthusiastically shouts "I love you MAMA!".  When I'm really beating myself up about my mistakes, I am cheered up by others who have found ways to give themselves grace and have shared it on Facebook or through their blog.  When my heart hurts too much to feel the abstract love of God, He appoints a neighbor to speak kind words to me. 

I am humbly and eternally grateful for these relationships.  It is my hope, that in their time of need, I will find myself being used by God to show love to them. 

Thank you.

Preparing For the Worst

Tomorrow evening I will be attending our church's "Fostering Forum".  It's supposed to be small and intimate.  We are meeting at a local restaurant...so it promises to be low key.  Here's the thing though...for the last year, talking/thinking about foster care has (at least) put me in a funk for a few days thereafter OR (at worst) sent me spiraling into weeks of full on depression.

When I saw the invitation for it, my first response was "hell no, I'm not going to that!"  But, my friend (who is a foster mom and the coordinator of the event) texted a few of us (particularly those of us who'd had bad experiences) and personally asked us to attend.  I agreed to go.  My only stipulation was that I would be allow to be completely honest about our experience.  She supported that. 

I've already made a mental outline of what I want to say.  I WILL find a way to communicate a few key things.  I don't care how they are received or whether or not they will be popular...I feel like I have some wisdom and truth to share...even if it goes against the "party line".  It's not that I want to be combative or negative (necessarily), but it was SUCH a painful, path altering, faith shaking event in my life, that I feel like I need to be honest with my Christian brothers and sister about it. 

As I prepare to go to this meeting, I am bracing for the mental backlash.  That means I will need to make sure I ask God to allow me to speak truth in peace and love.  I will also ask a few friends to pray for me.  I'll need to be careful about making time to de-stress from the situation as well.  Maybe it won't be as bad as I am fearing, but it very well could be. 

Life Less Sweet, Less Spicy, and Less Meaty

In the previous post I revealed that I was diagnosed with insulin resistance.  The day after that post I attended my first ever appointment with a naturopathic doctor.  While I was nervous about walking into a natural center for well being, it was a great experience.  There wasn't any weird superstition or half baked hippie advice.  It was like seeing a doctor...who happened to have a large cabinet full of herbal treatments and who looked at the whole picture of my health.  We met for TWO hours.  She asked all kinds of questions about all aspects of my health.

My regular doctor had faxed her my blood work, so she already knew I was coming in with insulin resistance.   After filling out a quick medical survey we also determined that I have candidiasis (basically a systemic yeast infection...which, actually confirmed something I've thought for a while).  In order to treat these two issues, I was instructed to add in a candida cleansing supplement, an herb that lowers blood sugar, and a REALLY expensive diet shake (I might search for some cheaper alternatives once I finish this round).  Additionally, the doctor told me to follow the Eating Right 4 Your Blood Type diet.

Basically, this diet is designed for the chemistry of each blood type.  I am A+, so get to become a quasi-vegetarian. 

• All Meat is on my Avoid list, except chicken and turkey. 
• All Dairy is on my avoid list except a few soft cheeses, goat cheese, kefir and yogurt. 
• I can eat most Beans and Legumes.  Garbanzo beans, kidney beans, lima beans, and navy beans are restricted.
• Grain wise, I am limited to grains such as amaranth, buckwheat, kashsa, cornmeal, rice, oats, and sprouted grain bread like Ezekiel Bread. 
• I can eat almost all Vegetables, but on the short list of ones I am to avoid are eggplant,tomatoes, peppers, potatoes, olives, mushrooms, and cabbage. 
• My list of Fruit is decent.  I am not allowed to have bananas, mangoes, cantaloupe, or oranges. 
• I cannot eat ketchup, mayonnaise, Worcestershire sauce, jello, any kind of pepper (peppercorns, flakes, cayenne), capers, or any kind of vinegar.
• In the realm of Beverages I am allowed to have dozens of herbal teas, green tea, coffee and red and white wine.
• As an added restriction my doctor and I both agree that soy is not a good idea for me. 

For the next 30 days I am also following a candida cleanse diet.  That means, in addition to the restrictions of the A+ diet, I have to avoid all bread and cereal (I'm eating rice and quinoa), I am limited to 1 fruit a day, I cannot have any alcohol and I cannot have any sugar except stevia.

It's going to be a challenge, I'm not going to lie.  I can deal with the meat and grain restrictions...but seriously NO PEPPERS!!  That rules out almost all Mexican food, which is devastating for me. No tomatoes means I have to get really creative with any Italian food I make.  Frankly, I can look forward to a Mediterranean and Asian inspired diet.  

I want to feel better AND I want to avoid becoming diabetic (which is the next step after insulin resistance).  I'm committed to doing this.  The purpose of the diet is to calm down any inflammation in my body and to help me lose weight.  Insulin resistance and PCOS are both helped by weight loss.  I also think that once we clear up some of these health issues, my mental health picture will be a little brighter as both diseases can contribute to depression. 

SIDE NOTE: Candidiasis can also cause anxiety symptoms. 

Resisting the Procedure

I got a call while I was at lunch today.  My blood tests came back positive for insulin resistance.  I told you in an earlier post that I was going to see my doctor last week.  When I met with her I shared my concern with not being able to lose weight and, based on many symptoms, mentioned that I was curious whether or not I might have PCOS; she listened.  She agreed that I probably do have PCOS and ordered a blood test to check for insulin resistance (one of the major signs of the disease).

Besides ordering the test we talked about weight loss.  She told me that it was going to be very difficult because my body is resisting the change.  We discussed a very, very, low carb diet and she said she would give me some numbers for weight loss doctors.  I thanked her, got the numbers and left.  When I called the numbers, I discovered that she had only given me the names of bariatric surgeons.  That was VERY disappointing.

This is the same doctor who recommended surgery last year.  I have definitely spent some time thinking about this option.  While it sounds like a fast way to lose weight, I can't bring myself to do it.  It is a major surgery and life altering in unpleasant ways (not to mention people often gain the weight back).  Additionally, I want to find out if we can tackle the REASON behind my weight gain (as I remain certain that it isn't entirely diet/exercise related). 

What is most irritating to me is that, when I research both PCOS and insulin resistance, I find that obesity is listed as BOTH a cause and an effect.  That's not fair right?!  Well, which is it?  I guess I don't know.  I am not a doctor.  I do know that the weight that I show on the scale is not congruent with my diet.  (PS...guess what another symptom of both diseases is...you guessed it...depression!)

So, when the nurse called me today to tell me the news, she said the doctor wasn't really planning any sort of treatment at this time.  She again mentioned visiting the bariatricians.  While I am bummed that my traditional doctor only wants me to fix this with gastric bypass, I still have some hope because I have an appointment with a naturopathic doctor tomorrow.  I've never been to a naturopath before.  I don't know that to expect.  From my understanding, though, I will find someone willing to look at the whole picture with me.   That's what I want...I want to explore how to get my body (and mind) healthy by taking care of the root problem...not by hacking away at my digestive system.

NOTE: I am not anti-bariatric surgery.  I think it is a wise choice for many people.  I am just frustrated that my doctor sees it as my ONLY choice.