ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences):Stress

My very tired husband went to bed early tonight.  Instead of napping while the kids were away at the grandparents (like I did) he mowed the lawn.  I was left with several hours to myself.  In a mood for some knowledge, I pulled up Hungry for Change on Netflix.  Truly, it held fast to most of the diet information that I am already following.  There was one new thing that I picked up that I think is going to be impactful in my journey toward health.

Toward the end of the documentary, they began to talk about something called ACE or Adverse Childhood Experiences.  A few years ago a study was done about the link between obesity and childhood trauma.  Basically the correlation was, if I child has experienced abuse or stress, they are far more likely to be an obese adult than someone who did not experience these things.  The best quote that I heard from this study was:  "Being fat [or having other unhealthy behaviors] is not the problem. It's the solution."  That is to say...fat has solved some sort of problem in the lives of people...it isn't really the ROOT problem.

Oh, Hallelujah!  I could not agree with that more.  I know exactly when I began to gain weight.  I am not being dramatic when I say that I have been continually stressed out since I was 6 years old.  This time in my life was when I first began to feel deep hurt and experience massive amounts of stress.  Part of this story isn't my story to tell, so I'll just say that there was some serious family drama and leave it at that.

From that time on I added stress to stress as moved to 8 different schools in from 1st grade to 12th grade.  We moved houses, countries, and cultures.  Stress.  Additionally, since I was a fat kid, I got to endure the abject abuse of my peers for my girth at ALL 8 schools.  Stress.  Serious family drama continued to flair up time and again.  Stress.  By High School I had gotten so used to this feeling of stress that I would WAY overbook my after school activities so that I would be going from play practice to voice lessons, from voice lessons to work, from work to hanging out with my boyfriend, from hanging out with my boyfriend to homework, and then finally to bed.  I took AP (advanced placement) classes and watched my GPA like a hawk as I tried to keep it high enough to get scholarships. STRESS!

From High School I went to college where I finished my Elementary Ed. program in 3 1/2 years. Stress.  I was tremendously committed to extracurriculars.  I had tutoring, test prep instruction, Christian ministry, mission trips, leadership training, YouthFriends, etc..and on and on.  On top of that I was still enduring issues with my body image as the few boys that I had crushes on friend-zoned me immediately.  I also had some fairly serious dental issues that kept me in constant pain for over a year.  Stress.  I jumped from the frying pan into the fire as an adult and have made (what seems like) nothing but stressful decisions.

You know what cortisol is?   It is the stress hormone; and chronic levels of cortisol can EFF you up!  Yeah, it can cause weight gain (got it), impaired immunity (got it), and has even been shown to be a contributing factor for depression (got it).  For my depression, stress and overwhelmedness are tied as my number ONE triggers.  My naturopath is testing my cortisol levels.  I imagine she's going to find that they are elevated (if they aren't I will be SHOCKED).  I don't know what the treatment is, but it's bound to help.

Shifting my thinking from fat being the source of all of my problems to a symptom of deeper problems is meaningful to me.  That means if I can find healing for the trauma of all of this stress, healthy weight will likely follow.  I am doing many things to pursue healing for my issues with stress.  Self care is a component...protecting myself from my own desires for achievement and "hard things" is going to be very important.  Exercise is being added in starting next week...in the form of Tai Chi...which I am hoping will have a calming effect.  I cut out sugar and caffeine.  Having a healthy view of food and what food is for (not for giving my heart a hug) will also play a role.

I am also going to do some research on meditation.  I am a Christian, so some of the more traditional forms of meditation aren't wholly applicable to my view of life.  But, meditation is mentioned time and again in the Bible with regard to scripture.  I plan to kind of figure out what that is going to look like for me. 

Knowing about the correlation between ACE and weight is going to give me some freedom.  It will be really interesting to see how this plays out.  In the end, my hope for health is to be able to enjoy life and serve my family and community with a vivacious zeal for the heart of God...something I've not been able to do of late because I am heavy and tired and depressed.   For me, health is a tool that I can use to keep myself walking in the life I wish to live.