Now that I am an adult with my own children, Father's Day has mostly become about celebrating my husband and the way he gives himself to our family. He is an amazing father and I appreciate everything he does.
But, this Father's Day, I want to take a moment to celebrate the man who helped to raise me. My dad influenced my life in many ways. Today I want to honor him by sharing a few things that he instilled in me.
Here are 10 lessons I learned from my father:
How to appreciate Science Fiction
Saturdays during my childhood were often about relaxing and watching some TV. We'd watch cartoons, then dad would get to watch his Westerns, then around lunch time we would all settled in together. We'd hear those famous shrill notes "doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo" and Twilight Zone would begin. Twilight Zone was basically comprised of short Sci-Fi stories. I loved figuring out the stories and the twists. To this day I am a huge Sci-Fi fan and general nerd.
The value of trivia
Along the same lines, another show we always watched together was Jeopardy. I can remember being a 3rd grader and challenging my dad (good naturedly) to Final Jeopardy. He was also a fan of Trivial Pursuit...a game that I love with my heart. This ability to retain trivial knowledge has served me well. Firstly, I was able to get through both high school and college without studying because I have an amazing ability to recall facts (and maintained a high B average, by the way) Not only that, but I am often a top choice for board game teams. Most importantly, possessing random knowledge helps me make connections with people.
How to make connections with people
If you've ever seen me in a crowd or at a party, you know that when I meet new people I start with "the interview". I ask a series of questions about the person I am chatting with. I'm not trying to assess whether or not the person is worthy of my time, rather, I am trying to find common ground with them...I am trying to understand how we are connected. This is a skill that I acquired from my father. He has always been adept at forming bonds with new people. He is at ease and confident in social situations. I have always admired that quality in my dad and I am proud to effortlessly follow in his footsteps.
My home is for sharing
While my mom taught me about homemaking and hospitality, I wouldn't had had such extensive opportunities to learn from her if it wasn't for my dad. Some of my earliest memories are of men from my dad's company joining our family for dinner. My dad went a step further and always invited single GIs to our home for holidays. Because he is a good judge of character, they were always respectful and kind gentlemen that I remember fondly. They were young and thousands of miles away from their family and home...they just needed a little traditional family time. My dad never sat down and explained that to me, I just understood it. As a grown woman, sharing my home is one of my core values. I love having people over for meals...I love hosting porch parties...I love inviting my unmarried friends to join our family for dinner. More importantly, I don't "entertain". While I try to keep my home tidy and my food tasty, I am not overly concerned with presentation. I want people to feel like they've been invited into my life, not just my home. I learned that from my dad.
How to travel like a native
When I was young we lived abroad. By the time I was 11 (and my dad retired from the military) I had extensively traveled through many European countries. From the earliest of ages, I knew one thing for certain...we were not to act like tourists. My dad always seemed to find a way to connect with the locals (again with the connections) and get insider information on where and when to go see the sights. That meant we used public transportation, shopped at local shops, ate at local restaurants, and tried to use as much German as we knew. We did see some "tourist-y" places, but we went off season or on weekdays. We never acted like spoiled, backwoods Americans. It's not a lesson we were "told" but just an attitude that my dad modeled and we emulated.
"What do I have to do right now?"
I've shared that I have a problem with over committing myself to activities. In college it was so severe that I had to make my own planner (we still used paper in those days) because I was scheduling my day by the half hour. When I was in the midst of a terribly frenzied day, my dad called me. I was rapidly listing off everything in my life that needed to get checked off my list. My dad just calmly said, "Just stop for a minute and think 'what do I have to do RIGHT NOW?'" As far as sage advice goes, this was truly priceless. I've often used this mantra to get myself calm in the face of stress. This short phrase has been a treasure as I deal with anxiety and overwhelmedness.
Debate
Dinner time at our house was not a calm experience. Sitting around a table together gave my dad and me the perfect opportunity for debate. We've always had differing ideologies. Themes such as theology, immigration, race relations, and other social justice issues were the "hot topics". We would both boisterously state our cases. In the end he would call me a "bleeding heart liberal" (which is going to be HILARIOUS to my actual liberal friends) and I would walk away thinking he was a right wing nut job (seriously, the man voted for Pat Buchanan for Pete's sake!!). We rarely reached agreement. Even so, we never let our debates affect our relationship (for very long). This is a skill that has allowed me to maintain meaningful friendships with people of different races, political parties, faiths, and orientations. I learned from my father that it is possible to fervently and wholeheartedly disagree with someone and still love them and be "for" them.
How to pray
I remember being 7 years old. My dad tucked me into my new bed, in our new house, in a new city. For the first part of my life we'd prayed the Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep prayer. But on this night my dad decided to teach me the Lord's Prayer. That's the prayer I prayed every night until I became a Christian and learned to pray in conversation with God. It made me feel safe and covered each night as I went to sleep. This prayer helped me connect to God on a basic and childlike level.
How to be a believer
Growing up our church attendance was spotty at best. Though that was the case, my dad was still able to instill a sense of faith into our family. At the time I was 15, we were having a weekly family Bible study. We'd read through some books together and had some interesting conversations. One afternoon, between school and work, my dad randomly asked me if I'd ever confessed my sins to God and asked Him to be Lord of my life. I hadn't, but I wasn't adverse to it, so in my living room my dad prayed with me to accept the sacrifice of Jesus. While it was just a first (and feeble) step in my faith journey...it was a HUGE one. That day I embarked on a path that would change my life forever and my dad was the one who led me there.
This holiday is a day where we choose set aside any strife that exists in our paternal relationship and decide to focus on why we are grateful for our fathers. My dad played a key role in the development of the collective randomness that is...me. His words, actions, and attitudes helped to influence my values and even changed the course of my life.
Thank you daddy.
I love you.
Happy Father's Day.
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