Holy Week 2014: Easter

NOTE: I was planning to write about Good Friday because it is a new tradition for me (within the last 5 years), but this year, I didn't attend the service because April Birthday-palooza happens to be the same week as Easter this year and I used my Friday evening to fit in Birthday celebration #1. Thus, I don't feel like I am in a place to write about that observance right now.  Maybe next year I can blog about Good Friday and how it affects me.

SOOOOO, Easter.

Of all of the days of Holy Week, Easter feels the least spiritual for me.  Growing up, my family did not attend church on Easter.  It was a quiet day out in the sunshine, feasting on candy from my Easter basket and hunting poorly dyed eggs (my sister and I used to mix all of the colors together...so we'd often just have a bunch of ugly camo-green eggs).  I loved our Easters.  Since becoming an adult, I have attended church every Easter, except the one when I had strep throat. To be frank, I don't really enjoy it.  Now that you are done gasping from my "blasphemy", allow me to unpack my feelings.

Easter is a sacred and beautiful day.  It commemorates a God so powerful that He could receive the worst punishment in history (dying with the sin of the world on his shoulders), conquer the consequences (eternal separation from God and death), all so we could be reconciled to our Creator. The truth is that , usually by the end of the day on Easter, I've barely thought about Jesus all day because I've been sleepwalking from one activity to another all day.  While it's a "nice" day.  It's just not very spiritual for me.  We talk a lot about creating "space" for worship at our church...but for some reason, I just can't find any space to worship The Lamb of God at Easter.

First of all, the service is usually earlier than normal.  After waking up earlier than usual, getting more dressed up than usual, and leaving the house earlier than usual, I just spend most of the sermon yawning and wishing I was home taking a nap.  While I feel terrible that I can barely keep my eyes open, I'm not sure what I can do to remedy that besides what I am already doing (getting to bed early and drinking coffee).  It's not really a spiritual issue, but my body being out of it's normal Sunday rhythm.  Then, the service is usually longer than normal.  I am already tired and having trouble staying awake, now I have to try to keep my decorum for 20-30 extra minutes?!

Additionally, there seems to be this strange pressure to feel more exuberant about my faith than normal. That's weird for me. Even though I am a giant extrovert, I'm not very flashy about spiritual things. It's my bent to be quiet and reflective when I consider my Savior. I don't desire to be extra peppy for Easter.

What would I do differently?  Well, for starters, I loved the slow pace of Easter that we had when I was growing up.  No, we didn't go to church, but there was emotional space...space that, now that I am a believer, could be well spent connecting and communing with my Risen Savior.  I could spend some time in my morning thinking and being quietly in awe of the wonder of Jesus.  Then my heart could be prepared for an extra long sermon.  I could be spiritually rested and have the energy to do the Easter activities that I love with my family.

My worship is my responsibility.  Regardless of what church does or says I should do, I need to carve out time to connect with God in a way that fits for me.  I want Easter to be spiritual...not because anyone tells me to...but because I desire it. This year I am going to look for some space...it will be interesting to see where I find it.