God has created me as a feeler. Since my earliest days I have had a natural tendency to connect to the pain of others and share in it as if it were my own. God does not incite the desire to associate with EVERY anguish, but when the Holy Spirit decides to waken that fire in my belly, I am unable to ignore it. There are a handful of topics where God has made my heart particularly soft. I am compelled to involve myself emotionally with these matters.
Now, what I SHOULD do in response this is fall prostrate and plead for these things to a perfect God who has the power to effect healing. Because I am an imperfect, broken vessel, what often happens instead is that I get myself into relationally risky social media debates. This is the wrong response (for me) and I repent of it. However, I will not apologize or repent for being an inordinately emotional being. Though it sometimes causes me sorrow, I consider my innate ability to empathize as a beautiful gift from the Lord.
I know it's a common sentiment in Christianity, but I just want to scream every time I hear/read someone say that they are an imperfect creation/vessel, that they are broken and faulty. Even if, in the context of your faith, that is true, I don't think it would be the trait your God wants you to embrace as your self-label. You are a beautiful, functional being, whose life has more meaning than to be anyone's vessel anyway. I don't think it would be too prideful to view yourself as a wondrous thing, instead of a flawed thing.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I am also an empathizer who internalizes suffering of many kinds. I literally feel your pain of late, in regards to many issues local and global. Hugs to you.
Thanks for the hugs. I understand what you are saying with regard to being a broken vessel. I think Christians often say that because when our imperfections inevitably bubble up, it serves as a reminder that just because we have a faith doesn't mean we've transcended our faults. Just because God has welled up compassion in me for a group of people doesn't mean I won't engage someone who disagrees with me by ripping them to shreds. The Facebook argument that sent me over the edge was particularly brutal...it got to an inappropriate level of ugly that I needed to apologize for.
ReplyDeleteI think we've all been there before. Good on you for owning up and apologizing.
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