You see, I have this son...I've been calling him Big Brother on this blog. He's almost 6 1/2. And...he's struggling...I'm struggling to watch him struggle. My heart is literally in agony for this child. There is deep, visceral anger in the heart of my child. He is angry all of the time. But, it's not just "I didn't get my way so I'm gonna yell now"...it's more intense and more raw than that.
He's having trouble making friends at school; playing by himself all of the time. We have tons of kids in our neighborhood, but nobody plays with Big Brother. He goes to a different school, so that might be a factor, but otherwise, I'm not sure what the deal is. He's starting to make up stories about who he played with and what they played. I can tell it's a story because of the way he tells it, he's clearly just making it up from the top of his head...that breaks my heart.
He will come home from school with a sour face and his head hung low. When I ask him how his day went, he'll say "not good" and then tell me about a minor behavior infraction he committed at school...talking, getting out of line, etc. My tiny little perfectionist is mad at himself that he messed up...that breaks my heart.
He is constantly yelling, seething, or withdrawing during interactions with our family. On days when he is happy, my heart soars with him and I try to keep from being too hard on him and ruining that mojo.
The reason his behaviors sucker punch me in the guts is that when I look at him...I see me...and that breaks my heart.
I had trouble making friends, I was overly sad when I messed up, I had anger in my heart (though I held it inside). I know the struggles I've had...the pain I've had...and I desperately don't want that for him.
Additionally, Big Brother is what I call an "empath". He feels what other people feel, especially me. He's been like that since he was born. I think all children have this quality, but his is VERY pronounced and dominant for him. So, when I see all of this anger and perfectionism and loneliness in my son I know that he's seen it modeled by me. I HATE THAT! That knowledge is too big for me to shoulder. This is one instance where I am going to have to put on my big girl pants, forgive myself, and put all of my energy into helping my son.
The first thing I am going to do is spend more time pleading with Jesus for my son's heart. I'll pray that he will be healed from this anger, that God will bring him a friend, and that he will learn not to be so hard on himself. God made my baby and He will care for my baby.
Secondly, I am going to talk to some educational professionals and find some good books on parenting gifted children. I'm pretty sure my son has a high IQ (I'm speaking as an educator...not just a proud mommy). There is a giant difference between "smart" and "gifted". Gifted is a diagnosis of sorts. It comes with many negative behaviors and experiences, including isolation from peers and struggles with finding friendship. I think getting as informed as I can about this topic will be beneficial.
Lastly, I will have to make lots of efforts to intentionally teach and correct some of the perfectionistic and angry tendencies of my son. I've been learning a lot about myself and now I can related it to my son, who is showing signs of similar struggles. Since he's brainy, he'll be able to grasp this information and hopefully make use of it.
I love my son more than I love my own life. I will do whatever is in my power to help him navigate this journey.
This is beautiful and heartbreaking. I often wonder if my son is suffering hereditary depression as I do. Sounds like you are on the right path to help him.
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