An Object At Rest

The most acute symptom of Adrenal Fatigue is well...fatigue.  Fatigue is different than tiredness.  It’s an all-consuming, never ending, constant exhaustion.  It almost feels like my body is a black hole that feeds on energy.  Often, my arms and legs feel like they are full of lead and I can’t keep my eyes open.  My muscles ache and my mind is foggy.

A full night’s sleep is rare.  I usually wake up at least once a night to go to the bathroom, or because my hips hurt, or to take care of my 2.5 year who is still night waking on a regular basis.  Even when I CAN get a good night sleep, it often doesn’t help.  I still wake up tired and stay tired all day. 

 My naturopathic doctor “prescribed” naps for me, but that doesn’t always work for a couple of reasons.  First, my days are either spent working as a substitute teacher or caring for my home and preschool aged son.  Napping at work is frowned upon and my preschooler’s nap schedule is spotty at best.  The few times I’ve tried to nap while he stays awake at “rest time” have ended with him creating gross messes. 

Secondly, some days I just have stuff to do.  The dishes don’t wash themselves.  The laundry doesn’t put itself away.  I sometimes need to shop online for things I don’t have time to go get in person.  Though I am tired, I can power through enough to make it until bed time.  Do I enjoy cleaning my house when I feel like I am walking through knee-deep mud?  No, no I do not.  Is it necessary some days to do it anyway? Yes.

Lastly, I feel guilty for napping every day.  I feel like a pampered, lazy, whiner who can’t hack grown up life.  While those things are (mostly) untrue, I still have that message at the back of my mind.  Taking a nap instead of cleaning something makes me feel like I am wasting my day…frittering away valuable work time. 

Today I have a Great Wall sized pile of dishes, about 4 million loads of laundry to wash/dry/put away, and every room in my home is being plagued with clutter.  But, damn if I don’t need a nap right now.  I am SO exhausted…I just want to sleep.  I don’t even have the wherewithal to pry my tuchas out of this here chair.

This illness continues to throw out symptom after symptom and I am being forced by my body to take it seriously. I have a chronic illness.  Something is actually physically wrong with my body and creating a real and tangible fatigue.   If I am ever going to feel better, I need to get over myself and really taking resting seriously.  I need to rest my body and my mind and not worry about the things that need to be done.  They will get done.  And if they don’t they must not be that important.