- I am already finding ways to help him learn to "come down" after being overstimulated. He has received direct teaching on self care and there will be more therapeutic stress relief teaching in his near future.
- Protecting him from "too much" has also become a priority for me. HSCs are intense kids. All kiddos get cranky and crabby when they've had too many activities, too many late nights, or too many disruptions in their normal routines. Whatever a less sensitive child feels under certain circumstances and Highly Sensitive kid will feel exponentially. For Big Brother, that crabbiness gets cranked up to 11. So for my son, irritability turns into rage which turns into depression, all fairly quickly. In order to protect him, we say no to a lot more things. Things that I would LOVE to do or that might be beneficial for Big Brother lose their luster when I weigh the emotional cost for our family.
- I'm going a little easier on him with regard to discipline. It's my philosophy that parents raise adults...so they have to learn lifetime skills at a young age. Because I so firmly believe that, I can be a hard ass when it comes to discipline. If it's a rule, it is enforced...because there is a good and healthy reason behind it. While I still hold that tenet to be true, I am learning to be gentler in my approach. HSCs are guilty little beings. When they do something wrong, they KNOW it was wrong and beat themselves up about it. (I know this from my own personal experience). Most of the time a "processing" session with Big Brother is all it's going to take to help him make a better choice next time. He needs gentleness. He needs to KNOW that nobody is perfect and that I don't expect perfection. That makes me feel like a pushover, but it would be prideful for me to stick to my guns on being a rigid consequence-doler when it clearly isn't what my child needs. (This is actually MY bent anyway...there will probably be more postings on my inner turmoil with training children.)
- I'm not going to emphasize achievement for my children anymore. Again, this is something I struggle hard against. I LIKE achieving...it's important to me...but it STRESSES me OUT! The same holds true for Big Brother. If he knows there are high expectations, he often withdraws into himself and doesn't perform very well. It's been this way since he was little. If I emphasize discovery and process instead, he seems more likely to enjoy whatever it is we are trying to "accomplish". It's re-framing really. The same stuff needs to get done (ie homework), but we look at it differently and that changes it.
- This biggest change we are making is regarding schools. We live in a school district that is, easily, one of the worst in the region. BUT, there are a handful of magnet and charter schools that are very good. Big Brother currently attends a Spanish immersion magnet. We chose it because we knew his mind would need a challenge, because Spanish is practical and beneficial, and the school is in our neighborhood (not true of the other magnets). It's normal for kids to struggle in immersion schools for the first few years and we are Ok with that...except, Big Brother is absorbing 22 different student's personalities, has an awareness of teachers who are overworked and stressed out, has difficulty in interpersonal relationships, and must double-process all of his work, first in Spanish then in English...even though, he already has a firm enough grasp of the content to be bored with most of it. That is "too much". Soooo...
- He has been accepted at our district's Montessori magnet and will be attending there next year. The Montessori philosophy is more holistic and integrates the traditional disciplines in way that makes all of the subjects more meaningful. The students learn to concentrate and ignore distractions, they learn to work out problems among themselves before going to a teacher, and they learn to work together to accomplish goals in ways that are not available in a more traditional setting. And, it's in English. As a person who has a degree in traditional education...the whole concept makes me bristle a little. But, after touring and talking to teachers, it's pretty evident that the Montessori method is worth a shot for Big Brother.
These are just a few of the tweaks in our life which have been brought about by viewing Big Brother as an HSC. I am sure there will be many more changes and challenges as we do our best to raise him. We are trying our best with the information that we have...that's all we can do. At the end of the day, he has our love and support...which is at the heart of everything else we are trying to do for him.
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