I don't believe in dieting. Let me say it again, in my experience, dieting does not work. Science agrees. Statistically 95% of people who lose weight on a diet gain it back and often the pounds come back with a few friends. Between 2002 and 2003 I lost 100lbs on a popular diet. The weight crept back on and now I am heavier than I've ever been...and frankly heavier than I am physically comfortable being. The diet industry is an INDUSTRY. They could care less about my life and my health, they just want muh dollas.
Though I have flipped the middle finger to society's rules about weight and the health care industry's obsession with linking health and weight, I do think there is a number on my scale that says, "hey lady, we need to pay a little more attention to what we're doing here". I currently don't feel comfortable in my body.
I briefly thought about running back into the arms of the program that helped my lose weight a decade ago (geez I am old), but then I decided I didn't need the stress of conforming to that plan. Because, as we know, I have to be VERY protective of my stress level and where I spend my emotional energy. My mental health is of paramount importance to me. So, I just decided to look at the calorie amount that was suggested for very gradual weight loss in a woman of my weight class. After peeking at a few sources, I settled on a number and downloaded a tracker.
So yes, I am counting calories, but please hear me and believe me when I say I AM NOT ON A DIET. The amount of calories I am allotted each day is generous. For me, this exercise in counting calories is not about coming in under and feeling smug or feeling guilty for going over. It's really just about mindfulness. For example, through tracking, I have realized that I drink about 300 calories a day...that's more than 10% of my daily calories. It's more than it should be. Through tracking and mindfulness I also continue to observe that the ONLY time I get out of control with my eating is 4:00PM...it is a a struggle EVERY day!
I am following parts and pieces of various healthy/allergy dietary guidelines...but not subscribing to a "diet". My naturopathic doctor put my on the Blood Type Diet, so I don't eat a lot of red meat or potatoes. Little Brother is allergic to wheat/dairy/eggs/peanuts/soy, so most of my grains, out of necessity, are gluten free. We no longer keep much dairy in the house using either rice milk or almond milk. But, I have a husband whose doctor encouraged a Paleo-style diet, so those of use who aren't allergic DO eat eggs. So, while my food diary looks like a weird mish-mash of Top Ten Diets, it is comprised (mostly) of whole, real foods.
After being on the diet plan 10 years ago and eating a whole host of unwholesome, chemically altered, preservative laden, science experiments, I can't stomach buying "diet" food again.When I touch a fat free cookie on my tongue, it tastes like grainy chemicals. Nasty. So, if it isn't real, I am probably not eating it (again, mostly...everybody needs some cheez-its every now and then). That's not dieting, that's mindful eating.
So what's the end game? Well, I tell you what it ain't. I have no intention of making a weight loss goal. I have never been thin and I will never be thin. That's not fatalistic thinking, it just IS. Even after my big weight loss I was a plus sized woman. I have a big skeleton (yup, I just played the big boned card) and am not built to be slender. I have the bones of a strong, sturdy woman. I don't care about getting "down" to a certain size.
I just want to see the scale move down. I want to stop eating when my stomach is full, even if there is still food on the plate. I want to be able to move my body in the way I wish. I want to feel comfortable and sensible. That's it. There are no numbers. I AM NOT ON A DIET!
PS...I really like that article on diets that I linked to in this post. I particularly like what it says about trauma and adverse childhood experiences. I wrote a post about it in 2013 (here). I think that weight is a complicated matter and simple calories in calories out glosses over the root causes of overeating.
Life Less Sweet: Documentation of my struggle with depression and anxiety.
