We.Are.On.A.Break

Hey sweet readers...as you know the driving force behind sharing my mess with you is to normalize depression and anxiety and document my journey in an authentic and (hopefully) helpful way. Well, I am kind of in a weird place right now...the best way to explain it is in the words of my therapist. As we were chatting, I mentioned that I feel like sometimes flare ups just kind of come out of nowhere. Her answer was "well, as you are doing this work of healing, you have a lot of windows open." That means that my defenses are down and things have an easy way of getting in.

I noticed, especially in August, that I am triggered SUPER often by things on social media. So, if there are windows open in my heart, social media is like a swarm of bees rushing in and leaving little stings that amass into one giant injury. Articles and posts that would normally be benign are causing distress within me. People's reaction to my comments are being taken extra personally and effecting me in unhealthy ways.  Because of this, I have decided to back WAY off of social media (especially Facebook and Pinterest).

Furthermore, even though it is my heart to share this blog for the benefit of myself and others, and the reception of my posts has been very supportive and positive, I personally have some dysfunction around these blog posts. Sometimes, I am posting things that I am not really ready to share. The posts are more raw and leave me feeling much more exposed than is healthy at this time. But, the most messed up thing is how dependent I am on your feedback. If I am feeling particularly vulnerable, I neurotically check my blog views and Facebook comments.  It becomes an inappropriate obsession and again, causes misery within me. Thus, I have decided that it is not safe for me at this time to blog.

I still need to write and have purchased a beautiful journal that I intend to fill up. If I know you personally, I am still fully willing to have an honest and authentic dialogue with you about the subjects of depression and anxiety. I am not sure how long I will be away from my blog...I hope that I can get myself to a place where it's a healthy outlet again. Until that time comes, my blog and I are on a break.